1. Acquire a distinct and powerful body odour.
Women, like insects are drawn to the musky male olfactive essence, scents from a bottle are no substitute for real man sweat! The best way to cultivate this elixir is to grow fat lazily, or take up a vigorous activity, like climbing mountains or don't wash your clothes or better, a combination of both these things. This precious masculine scent is best spread by giving the armpit and anal cleft plenty of exposure to the air.

2. Get yourself a car.
Women need to be swept off their feet by their Lochinvar, their Prince, where once it was the horse now it is the car. The car is now the bedroom, a lover's bower on wheels from which they must struggle ineffectually to escape..

3. Grow a mustache.
Women like dogs, need to know who's boss! The mustache has for centuries been a symbol of authority, think of the Lion Tamer, the Dictator, or even Hulk Hogan It is quite obvious that since the Dutchman ceased to sport a mustache he has lost much of his natural authority, he has become an emasculated sentimental wimp. Feelings should be left to women, this is what they are good at. So grow a mustache, preferable as big a one as possible.

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